


Five minutes of lifetime

by hazzard



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, i enjoy hurting you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 16:30:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazzard/pseuds/hazzard
Summary: They wanted a life. They had five minutes.





	Five minutes of lifetime

He would die for her. That wasn’t new. None of this was. Not the being prepared to die for her, not the going to the ends of the earth for her, not the fighting until the end of the world for her.

None of this was new. 

She feeling that same way about him wasn’t new either. He knew. He’d known for years. And when he had nothing, when everything else left him, he grabbed her hand. Because he knew. He’d always know. 

“I love you.”

Her body became tense, her eyes guarded. They’d agreed, silently, not to talk about it. Years ago, they’d made that decision. To make it easy. To make their jobs easy, to make their lives in this mess they’d agreed to live in, as easy as humanly possible. Love was messy. Love was weakness. They loved each other but they pretended that they didn’t. That was the sacrifice they had to make. They’d known that. They’d always known that. 

But now he had nothing. He had nothing but the worry in her eyes and her hand in his. He’d given up his life for an organisation, he’d given up  _her._  And he was so tired of living for absolutely everyone but himself. For absolutely everyone but her. If he’d been allowed to, he would’ve lived for her. For nothing but her. Life wasn’t much without her. She was his pathway to a life worth living. He’d always known that.

“Phil…” She breathed, shaking her head. “That’s not fair.”

No, it wasn’t. They’d agreed. They’d agreed to give up their lives for the greater good. He’d agreed to never say those words to her. He’d promised, years ago.

 

_She lied in his arms. Her hair was draped on his bare chest. He let his fingers trace a scar on her shoulder. Paris, he was pretty sure._

_She looked up, put her chin on his chest. Her eyes were dark and he knew what she was about to say._

_“Phil… We can’t do this.”  
_

_He nodded. “I know.”_

_Her eyes searched his. Then, she bit her lip. “I… I want us to be friends.”_

_He wanted that too. More than anything. He took a long breath and let his eyes become what she was looking for. Confirmation. Of course they’d be friends. Of course they could still have something. Nothing that’d ever be enough, for either of them. But still something. They’d always still have something._

_He reached up a hand to touch her hair. She sighed into his touch. This was dangerous. This would only make it harder. Every minute would only make it harder. Five minutes. That was all they had. They had to trade a lifetime for five more minutes._

_“It’s the right thing to do.”  
_

_He nodded again. Of course it was._

_His hand landed in the crook of her neck. His chest felt tight. “I lo-”_

_She shook her head. No. He wasn’t allowed to say it. It wasn’t their life to live._

_He heard the shower running and it was over. Their minutes of lifetime were over and the sheets smelled like her._

 

He took three breaths before looking up at her again. “I know. I know it’s not fair. I know I promised. But I need you to know.”

She drew in, into herself, for protection. Her eyes were dark now. “I know. You  _know_  that I know.” He could see her frustration bubbling under the surface. “That’s not why you said it.” She clenched her teeth. 

He raised her eyebrows. “No? Why did I say it, then?”

She almost rolled her eyes. “Phil… Please.” 

“No, I want to know. Why do you think I said it?”

She was quiet for a while. Then she looked at him again. “Because you think everything’s ending. That that means that our circumstances have changed.” Her were not only dark, but also hard, now. “That in this new beginning, we’ll have a chance.”

“Is that so crazy?”

She scoffed. “Phil, we never had a chance.” She became serious again, and his heart bled in his chest. “We never had a chance. Not back then. And nothing’s changed, Phil.” Her eyes turned soft and pleading. “I know you think that it has, that it will, but nothing’s going to be different.”

He rushed up to her and put his hands on her arms, needing to feel her warmth. “You don’t know that, Melinda.”  _It could all be different. We could be happy. We could finally be happy, Melinda._

Her lip trembled. She softly shook her head. “Phil…We can’t. Love, it’s complicated, it’s distraction, it’s-”

“I already love you!” She jumped at his loud exclamation. “I already love you. What, you think because I haven’t tried saying it in 20 years, it’s become any less messy? I’ll love you even if I don’t say it. You’re still my weakness, whether I admit to it or not.”

She put her hands on his chest, as to push him away. But she didn’t move and, eventually, the muscles in her arms became soft.

He was an ass. He’d broken his promise, he’d hurt her and he was an ass.

He sighed. “I’m sorry.” She was crying now. He felt tears on his cheeks, as well. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Melinda.”

She wiped his tears and kissed the rest of them away. “I know.” She looked up at him. “I love you.”

He nodded. “I know.”

She grabbed his right cheek, her right hand going up to his neck. “It feels like we can’t win.” She played with the hairs at the back of his neck. “Either way, we lose.”

His eyes locked with hers. “Yeah.”

“But I think I’d rather lose with you there when I wake up every morning. ”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Right back at you.”

“So…” She paused. “…Be mine?”

He smiled. “Always were.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey, it's angst!! who would've thought?!
> 
> hope this hurts.
> 
> love!! xx


End file.
